is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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