I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize