im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
