If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
