Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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