Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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