I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
