i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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