her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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