I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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