Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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