We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
