Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
