she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
