I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
