Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
