i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
