no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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