At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
