apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You had me at "let me see your balls"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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