Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
