I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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