I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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