Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
50% drunk capacity currently
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
