Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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