I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
