I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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