i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
