Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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