i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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