question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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