I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
