he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
