NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
