We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
