Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
