All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
