I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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