And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
