She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
