I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize