Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
