For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
