Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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