I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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