he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize