i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So many bounce houses so little time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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