Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my vagina is haunted
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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