dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So squirting runs in the family.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
