I am spending my child support on dildos
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
