I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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