literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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