eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
