what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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