At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
