There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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