THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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