At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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