I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
