Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
