Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
