We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Damn victory sex feels great
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
