when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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