no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
