i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
