i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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