Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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