Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry

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(303): View more from Colorado

I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

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(410): View more from Maryland

she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

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(516): View more from New York

I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.

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(631): View more from New York

I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.

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