ADVERTISEMENT

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  "Monday" is guna come over...

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  but its Thursday?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go

  Fav 5 1840 768

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

  Fav 34 5532 1167

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.

  Fav 28 1534 6265

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better

  Fav 9 4441 1070

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

  Fav 29 5702 2388

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you

  Fav 11 2681 1011

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (906): View more from Michigan

  I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Soooo, coming over soon?

  Fav 22 3783 943

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.

  Fav 7 768 1805

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.

  Fav 6 701 2155

  share tweet
  

• (972): View more from Texas

  Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?

  Fav 3 904 772

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  This was the best text I've ever woken up to

  Fav 1 925 531

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?

  Fav 1 755 397

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.

  Fav 0 209 397

  share tweet
  

• (432): View more from Texas

  I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....

  Fav 0 40 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (915): View more from Texas

  Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park

  Fav 0 21 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize