in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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