come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
